I’m trying really hard to not become a bitter, resentful Peace Corps Volunteer like so many I’ve met. Don’t get me wrong: I think nearly every one of the PCVs in this country are great and anyone that lasts as a PCV should be commended (it is not easy), but it seems that two years of village life leaves a few scabs and rough edges on the typical PCV’s sentiment toward Tanzania.
During those nine weeks of training that now seem so long ago we were all introduced to several PCVs of the week: current Volunteers who spent a week talking to us about life as a PCV and usually running a session or two on some aspect of what our work would involve. And in my time since I’ve met dozens more PCVs and heard about their own experiences and thoughts on everything. And each of these PCVs has something new to bring to the table, a wealth of stories and anecdotes and experience to share… and the strong-minded opinions that come with it all.
The opinions that aren’t opinions to them but reality: what happens in their villages and in their schools is what happens all over the country, and they understand exactly why because they’ve been here for nearly two years and they speak the language and they’ve seen it all and done it all. And dealing with all the challenges and the frustrations and the setbacks really does do something to you. In the seven months I’ve been here I’ve already noticed my patience going, my temper shortening, my desire to socialize and to integrate diminishing. Sometimes I don’t care about the whole cultural integration thing and all I want to do is sit in my house listening to my iPod despite the fact that everyone in my village will gossip about me sitting in my house alone. Sometimes I get sick and tired of answering the same questions over and over again, like whether or not I’m going to marry a Tanzanian and if I prefer Africans over wazungu and if there are tribes in America and how do I find the climatic conditions compared to that of America. Sometimes I just don’t want to teach that day, sometimes I just don’t feel like talking to the other teachers, trying to understand their fast and mumbly Kiswahili and explaining to them why I can’t speak fluently yet, and why don’t we try having this conversation in English and we’ll see how you do. It’s irritating how much time is wasted in a day, how little priority is placed on students being in class, how much importance is placed on protocol, how people think I can’t speak Kiswahili at all and talk about me like I’m not there, how there is no line in any shop ever, sometimes even at the bank, how some people in town can’t seem to understand that no matter how many times they ask I simply won’t give them my phone number, that no matter where I go or what I am doing someone will inevitably say “Jambo Jambo!” in a nasaly voice and I will be asked for money.
Being an outsider in a foreign place is tough. All the little things add up until you can’t take it anymore and you go home, until you can’t accept it anymore and you become bitter, or until you realize that it’s what comes with the job and there’s nothing you can do to change it.
So that’s what I’m trying to do. The past two months have been the most difficult of all, the frustrations mounting and my lack of experience meaning that I still wasn’t quite sure how to deal with it all. The first few months in my village were great and then reality set in and I felt the bitterness creeping in. And I did what I could to get over it but it didn’t seem to be enough, and then I realized that everyone else I came here with was feeling it too. And I realized that we can all keep bitching about stuff and venting to each other and getting all those feelings off our chest and that in the end we can choose to continue feeling bitter or we can choose to realize that it’s just part of the job. And that what happens to us is common to other PCVs and other volunteers in the country but that it’s not always a reflection of culture, that sometimes it’s just one person’s actions or that sometimes it might be a combination of both, and other times it might be too complex to explain in such simple terms.
Another PCV put it well: everyone has their own opinion and everyone’s opinion is correct. But it’s important for us to realize that we each have our own experiences with their similarities and their differences, and that our perspectives on it all are just one of many. No, Tanzania is not doomed if this one thing doesn’t happen and each and every Tanzanian doesn’t have an ulterior motive when they speak to an mzungu. Students here are no less capable than students anywhere else and the spread of HIV/AIDS isn’t because of this one single thing… but that’s just my opinion.
